Right. As per the usual quota, i'm plastered. Work in the morning is going to suck. I find that when i'm plastered I can write more open and honestly, which will make me feel better.
When I drink I get very lonely. It's a problem, and it keeps occurring. This very night, i've tried to contact 2 very nice girls but no replies. You know who you are.
So, often when i'm drunk, and feeling lonely, I go onto Oasis Active. I have a very barren account on there, filled with lots of little dove pictures shrugging their shoulders and looking depressed (if you've ever had an account, you'd know what that means). Doves aren't meant to look depressed. Majority of doves I have seen are on powerlines, shitting on pedestrians. Guess i'm a pedestrian.
This particular story is from when I actually had a SUCCESS on Oasis. I probably should have been alerted to the fact this girl hadn't put any full pictures on her site. She seemed nice though, so I decided to meet up with her. I'm sparing the details in this department so as not to point anyone that may stumble on this site out. We met up at a party her friends were having. I nervously rolled up to the party, anxious to see what she looked like in real life. Parked the car a couple meters away from the party and called her phone. She answered and we began the task of decribing locations in order to meet.
What found me was...large. She was a very big girl. I don't want to sound like i'm against big girls, but this girl was big, big. And wore makeup so thick, you could blast for diamonds in her pores.
I made friendly, hoping that she didn't put on her personality either, and she didn't. Relief. I was introduced to her friends and stood by her side awkwardly as they discussed one of their friends like I knew them.
The party was a redneck, dropout heaven; complete with fireworks, fake fights and mass swearing. I felt uncomfortable seeing them light a firework next to a police officer.
Once the party was cleansed of the dero mess, only her friends and some pretty cool people remained. This is where things become hazy.
I can recall leaving the party. I was drunk as a tequilla worm, trying to condition myself to find this walrus attractive (again, she was an ALRIGHT person). We got a lift with some guy and she sat in front while I sat in the back with her friend. Then things got confusing. Her friend started rubbing my leg. For some reason I had a cigarrette, and burnt myself at this point with hot ash. I was numb anyway, so I manned it through. She started kissing my neck (I think) and that's when my sense of decency kicked in. I turned and asked her exactly what the absolute fuck she was doing. She replied with giving me her number. I replied with some retort about her being a proper friend, and how she was clearly being a shit person.
I found out this was a test, and I passed. Oh goodie.
Things happened. I wont go into much detail, but she found out about the particulars of phimosis she never knew about, and I found out that she reminded me of my sister. Before you think anything, fuck off!
So, in the morning, I experienced my first dose of remorse. It sucks man.
My fingers had all become covered in a thick layer of dried puss, starting from my cuticals. I pried apart the crust, to see a large amount of fresh puss fill my nails. I shouldn't have done what I did.
What's worse was I had to meet her parents afterward. Try and justify why I was in her daughters bed. And they were deros too. So all sorts of filthy shit flowed from their mouths, along with something about the footy scores and a motorbike reference. I got a lift back to my car and bailed.
A few weeks later I got a text from her saying her ex boyfriend wanted her back, and she kinda felt he'd changed. I got dumped by this girl, even though I didn't know anything was going on between us. Even though I didn't think we had/want a relationship with her, it still hurt. Serves me right I guess for being so shallow.
What have I learnt? Nothing. I still want someone who is gorgeous, attractive. I find personality a huge factor, but looks equally. Does that make me a shallow person, or does everyone see this way too? Maybe my problem isn't my personality, but my looks. You can't catch fish without bait. I feel that, from the experience I had, i'm closer to figuring out who I am.